Lol@girls in expensive gym wear giving me weird...
sofuckinghealthy: #ihateallgirlgyms #itsnotabeautycontest #imbetterthanyou Too true, hahaha.
If you're not nice to my friends, there's a very...
Have I told you how much I love my mother?
Me: uuugh, my sheets here are super awk...they're all pilly, and yes, please accept that as a word
Mom: jeeze buddy, snuggle a little less violently
Me: That is so irrelevant, it saddens me.
Mom: whatever...just sleep a little calmer then, you little squid
Me: wow mom, thanks.
Mom: But anyways, what kind of sheets do you want?
Me: cute, awesome, super snuggly ones
Mom: could you provide me with some more specific criteria?
Me: If you see them....and you want to curl up with them....buy them for me!
Mom: Fine, I'll find the most embarrassing ones! Moose, monsters, pinecones, princesses...I'll make it a surprise.
Me: Whatever. A) I have a ton of people to impress in my bed, you know, per usual. B) sheets aren't embarrassing...the current lack of wine in our house is!
Mom: If your father does not seriously stock up soon he will be in so much trouble
dear contacts, fuck you also….I’m at the point where every time I write a sentence, I reward myself by walking around the house or going to the bathroom sad times guys, sad times
people I don’t even know keep talking to me about thursday’s show where’s my turtle shell when I need it? guys, I promise, I’m not that special